Monday Interview Series: Mary Poppins

With the east coast currently feeling the wrath of hurricane Sandy, I was at loose ends to secure an interview this week. I mean, between trips to the store for bottled water, charging up cell phones, laptops and sundry other devices, and securing everything in the yard, who had time? I hope everyone is riding out the storm safely. If the storm has hit your area, please stay safe indoors!

Luckily, the wind blew at least a little good fortune my way. Mary Poppins dropped in to save my bacon and have a chat. It was a practically perfect bit of serendipity!

 Greg:  Welcome Mary! Thank you so much for coming by. Your timing was perfect.

Mary:  Naturally. I must say, what a perfectly blustery day it is. I haven't seen such wind since Bert the chimney sweep overdid it on the chutney at my Uncle Albert's. Frightful!

Greg:  Yes, well this weather has been frightful for many people around here. But let's forget about that for a while. Tell us all a little bit about your charges at number 17, Cherry Tree Lane.

Mary:  The Banks? Marvelous family, simply marvelous! Mind you, they were in a frightful state when I first encountered them.

Greg:  Really? What was the matter?

Mary:  Well, where to start? The head of the family, Mr. George Banks, was positively too involved with work. He never had any time for his family. His wife, Winifred, had absolutely no head for managing a household. I don't know how they made it as far as they did before I came along.

Greg:  What about the children?

Mary:  I'm afraid the children, Jane and Michael, were in the worst state of all. They were always acting up. They went through so many nannies trying to get their parents' attention that they had developed quite a nasty reputation among London's domestic class.

Naturally, it was only a matter of time before they came to my attention, and I had to take matters into my own hands.

Greg:  It sounds just like calling in the Marines, or maybe the paratroopers.

Mary:  Quite so. I descended on them with the East Wind. Naturally, the parents put up a little bit of a fuss, but I managed to maneuver around them quite nicely. Grownups can be a frightful bore without even putting their minds to it, and I must say that those two put half a mind to it at least. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but it sounds good.

However, Jane and Michael were another story. Children are frightfully clever, and no one gives them any credit in that regard, or just about any other for that matter. They were veterans of thee Nanny Wars, and were determined not to surrender. I knew perfectly well what was going on in their little heads, so I laid the cards on thee table, spit spot. 

Greg:  What did you do?

I started pulling all sorts of things out of my carpet bag. That got their attention. It told them that here was someone out of the ordinary who was not to be trifled with. Thee next step was to alter their way of thinking. They looked at work as, well, work. I taught them to make a game out of it. That way, they got their work done and had a bit of fun at the same time.

Of course Bert was a big help. He can be very charming when he wants to be.

Greg:  Bert? Oh yes, good-natured, jack of all trades chap. What's the story with you two? In the film, it looked like sparks were flying.



Mary:  A proper girl does not talk of such things. Bert and I are just good friends. We could never be anything but, what with me flitting about to different children's homes all the time. I am far from ready to settle down in one place for the rest of my life. And Bert is hardly ready for that sort of life, either. He still enjoys a night out with the boys dancing on the rooftops too much for my tastes. No, he is not ready to settle down either.

Still, if we both were ready, then I think Bert would be a fine choice. He is gentle and kind, charming and really quite funny in an oafish sort of way...but I digress. No, there's nothing there at all, really.

Greg:  Okay, if you say so. We'll leave it at that for now. You say that Mr. & Mrs. Banks were really no trouble, but is that really true?

Mary:  I said they were no trouble to maneuver around and get my foot in the door. Later on they proved to be quite a bother, Mr. Banks in particular. You see, he had this frightfully annoying idea that work was more important than anything else, his family included.

He stuck to that misguided notion for a long time, but I was able to change his mind on that score. Bert was very helpful in that regard, for Bert takes the entirely opposite point of view. Yes, in the end he came to realize that his family was more important than anything else in his life. When that happened, my work was done.

Greg:  Perfect! Well, thank you so much for stopping by. You've made this dreary day a little brighter by chatting with us for a bit.

Mary:  It was my pleasure entirely, Greg. Now, I feel the wind is changing, so I must be off. Do look me up when you're in London. I have to drop in on Bert, there's something I think I have to speak with him about.

Monday Interview Series: Pinocchio

Today, I have the great pleasure to interview another beloved character from children's literature--Pinocchio.  We actually had a tense moment here at The Deliverers Publishing Headquarters when we had to rescue the world's most famous wooden boy from a flock of woodpeckers. Luckily we were able to shoo them off, and Pinocchio was unscathed. So, let's see what our young friend has to share with us.

Greg:  Sorry about those birds. I can't understand it.

Pinocchio:  No worries, it happens all the time. I guess it's just a life hazard.

Greg:  All the same, I'm embarrassed that you had that little mishap on our doorstep. Now, I have to ask, are you the traditional Pinocchio, or the Disney version?

Pinocchio:  Huh? What do you mean?

Greg:  The original Pinocchio came to a bad end, the Disney Pinocchio came out okay in the end.

Pinocchio:  Oh, well then I'm the Disney version. After all, I'm an animated wooden toy. Ha! Get it? Not bad for a blockhead!

Greg:  Very funny. You have a future in show business. 

Pinocchio:  I was once on the stage, but it wasn't a very happy time for me. I spent most of my time in a cage. I've had a number of experiences in my short life, most of them unpleasant. 

Greg:  Care to talk about it?

Pinocchio:  You sound like my conscience, Jiminy Cricket. He's big on talking things out. Sure, I can talk. I was led astray by a fox named Honest John and his cat friend, Gideon the cat. I wound up in some rundown sideshow. I begged the Blue Fairy for help, but I wound up lying to her, and my nose grew real big, so she was no help. Jiminy bailed me out of that one. Jiminy was all for going home after that, but I foolishly gave him the slip.

Greg:  That doesn't sound like a very wise decision. What happened?

Pinocchio:  I wound up falling in with more undesirable companions. This time, I thought I was headed to a great playland with some other kids. They carted us off to this island, and it was fun at first. We were able to do all sorts of things we weren't allowed to. Then, things got freaky. Everyone-all the kids, I mean-started turning into donkeys. That was weird, but then I started turning into one, too.

Greg:  Hmmm, might be a lesson in that somewhere, don't you think?

Pinocchio:  Boy, now you're sounding like Jiminy again. Yeah, there was a lesson--when kids all around you are turning into donkeys, it's time to get going. I got off that island as fast as I could, and went home. But guess what? My father, Geppetto, had gone out to rescue me, and had been swallowed by a giant whale.

I went out to rescue him, but I wound up getting eaten as well. It turned out to be a lucky thing, because I lit a fire in the whale's belly and he coughed us up real quick. Have you ever been regurgitated by a whale? It's gross.

But anyway, we were out of there. We managed to drift to shore, so the story has a happy ending. Now, I'm a real live flesh and blood boy, and Jiminy is a full-fledged conscience, so everything turned out okay.

Greg:  I'm very pleased to hear it. One thing puzzles me, though. If you're a flesh and blood boy now, why were the woodpeckers attacking you?

Pinocchio:  Oh, well I may be a flesh and blood boy, but I'm still kind of a blockhead. Woodpeckers can spot that a mile away!

Monday Interview Series: Old King Cole

Today, I'm very honored to have the privilege to speak with an actual king. This is definitely a first for The Deliverers blog.  How exciting! This king is also by far the merriest soul that we've had the pleasure to interview, at least that's his reputation. I'm talking, of course, about Old King Cole.

Greg:  Good evening, Your Highness, I must say what a great honor it is to have the chance to interview you.

King Cole:  You're right, it is an honor for you. But thanks for inviting me. It gives me a chance to get out of the castle for once.

Greg:  Well, glad we could help out. Um, forgive my asking, but are you well? 

King Cole:  I'm perfectly fine. Why do you ask?

Greg:  Oh, no reason really. It's just that you don't look as merry as I thought you would. As a matter of fact, you look positively glum.

King Cole:  Oh that. People often make that mistake. Since that nursery rhyme came out, everyone expects me to be merry and jolly all the time. 

Greg:  Well, you are Old King Cole who's a merry old soul...

King Cole:  And a merry old soul was he. Yes, yes I know the rhyme as well as the next person, but it's extremely misleading. I mean, life's not all pipes and bowls and a trio of fiddlers, is it? People forget that I've got a kingdom to run, and that's no day at the beach I can tell you.

Greg:  Oh dear, it isn't?

King Cole:  It most certainly is not. For one thing, I have to do all sorts of tedious government work. There's mediating disputes, knighting people, and the proclamations--don't get me started about the proclamations! I tell you, when you read about kings in the history books, they don't tell you about all the paperwork. It's nothing but sign this and stamp that. And that royal seal--I can't tell you how many doublets I've ruined with dripping wax.

Greg:  It doesn't sound that glamorous when you put it like that. Uh, getting back to the point, I've always been curious about what kingdom you rule.

King Cole:  Oh it's a lovely kingdom up north. Very pretty mountains. Skiing is quite popular there.

Greg:  It sounds really nice.

King Cole:  Well, it is if you like snow. Unfortunately, I don't. Beastly stuff, all cold and wet. Just try and get a horse and carriage through that stuff--virtually impossible. And the heating bills. There are 50 fireplaces in the castle, and they have to be kept going 24/7 for at least nine months out of the year. Do you know how much wood that comes out to? 

In all the stories woodcutters are poor and destitute, but that's just a myth. In my country, they're rolling in cash. Actually, I'm looking into alternative sources of fuel, things that are more economical and burn more cleanly. Do you know anything about oil? Is it really as cheap as I've heard?

Greg:  If there's one thing I've learned just from this interview, it's that you can't believe everything you hear.

King Cole:  You never spoke a truer word. Take for example this nursery rhyme about me. Everyone thinks that I'm a smoker because I called for my pipe. I never smoked a day in my life. I was calling for my recorder so that I could play with my fiddlers. But everyone misunderstood. I get letters every day from anti-smoking groups telling me that I'm a bad influence on children. I try to explain, but they don't want to hear it.

Greg:  You know, I never really stopped to consider that the rhyme might not have painted an entirely accurate picture of you. I can understand how frustrating that must be for you.

King Cole:  Thank you for helping me clear the air. It's okay being a merry old soul sometimes, but to be perpetually labeled as such is more than an old soul like me can stand.

Greg:  Well, thank you for taking the time to sit and talk with us, it has been most enlightening.

King Cole:  Any time my dear boy. Now if you could just point me in the direction of OPEC. I hear they live in a land that sees snow once in a blue moon. Ah, that must be nice. 

Monday Interview Series: Jack, But Not the Beanstalk

Today, I'm talking to someone who's really getting up in the world. He's a small-time farmer who wound up making the deal of the century, although his dreams nearly came crashing down. i'm talking of course about Jack of Jack & the Beanstalk fame. Let's see what this social climber has to say.

Greg:  Welcome, Jack. Nice of you to drop in. How is everything?

Jack:  Oh fair t' middlin', fair t' middlin', squire. Nice t' see ya.

Greg:  I understand you've had some exciting times recently. I was hoping you could tell us a little bit about what's been going on.

Jack:  Goin' on? What're you on about? There ain't been nothin' goin' on, squire.

Greg:  Oh, really? I'm terribly sorry, but I was led to believe that you had some exciting times that led you a sudden rise in your fortunes recently. I just wanted to congratulate you and see if you could elaborate a little for the benefit of our readers.

Jack:  Oh aye? Well if that's all ya want t' know, I think I can oblige. Although, I'm not sure that you're goin' t' believe it.

Greg:  My, that sounds intriguing. What wouldn't we believe?

Jack:  Well, I'll tell you. You see, me and me mum used t' live in this rundown old farmhouse on land what was pretty much played out, if you take my meanin'. The only thing on the place that was the least bit productive was our old cow.

She were a bonny old thing. I'm talking' 'bout the cow, mind. Mum were a little scary. Any road, one day the old bag o' bones--that's the cow, not mum--stopped givin' milk. Well, mum up an' tells me t' take her down t' the market--the cow, not her--an' sell her so's we can have a little bit o' cash t' tide us over.

Greg:  Well, I suppose that's reasonable. Get rid of an asset that's goin' south and cash in on it while you can. She's not a banker by any chance is she?

Jack:  Nay, though I daresay we'd a been better off if she were. So, what could I do but take ol' bossy--that's the cow--into market to sell her. Only thing is, I didn't make it into town. See, what happened was, some ol' bloke I met on the road made an offer before I even got there. He offered me--are you ready for this--he offered me a handful o' beans.

Greg:  Beans? That doesn't sound like a fair trade.

Jack:  Ah, but this is where things get interestin'. He says they ain't just any beans, they's magic beans. Well, what could I do? I mean, how many times does a lad get offered magic beans in a trade, I ask ya? Well, I ain't no fool. I took 'em before he had a chance t' change his mind. Handed the cow right over quick as ya please, and was off home.

Greg:  Really, you took the beans?

Jack:  Right you are, squire. Well, you an' me mum must have the same closed mind, because she took one look at them beans an' flung 'em out the window. I never, perfectly good magic beans an' all. Vooom, right out the window. She gave me a right good toungue-lashin', too.

Well, we went t' sleep an' guess what? overnight, them beans grew. They grew real tall. When I woke up t' feed the hens, a huge beanstalk had grown all the way up into the sky.

Greg:  Well, what did you do?

Jack:  I did the only thing a bloke could do. I clumb up the blinkin' stalk. And when I got up t' the top, I found this house. A giant lived there. He were bent on eatin' me, but I managed t' pinch his purse. When I got it home, mum weren't half as cross with me as she was before.

We lived the high life for a while. But then, the treasury run dry, and mum, she tells me t' climb up and get some more loot. Now, I was all for gettin' rid of that beanstalk. I mean, it was hard t' explain it t' the neighbors and all, much less how we got all that gold. All I heard day in and day out was "Where'd that beanstalk come from, Jack?" or "what'd ya do, rob a Miracle Grow factory, Jack?". 

Then, we got that notice t' remove the stalk from the zonin' commission. Anyway, I hoofed it up the stalk again. I did have me eye on one thing. I'd noticed that the giant had this special chicken what laid gold eggs. I mean, solid gold.

Greg:  Gold eggs, are you serious?

Jack:  Course I'm serious, mate. Real live solid gold eggs. So, i clumb up again, and luckily the giant was out pillaging or whatnot. So, I grabbed the bird--the chicken, not me mum--and hoofed it toward the beanstalk. 

Well, I was nearly there when the giant catches sight o' me. now, he's a good ways away, so I thought I was home and dry, but what I forgot was, giants take giant steps. So he was on me like a shot. I fairly slid down that beanstalk, with the giant comin' hot on m' heels.

When I got t' the bottom, I yelled for the ax. Me mum wanted t' know what for. I pointed t' the giant comin' down, and she hoofed it right quick. I chopped down the beanstalk and the giant came down crash in m' field, dead as a doornail.

Greg:  Wow, that was a close call. So, after that I suppose your troubles were over. 

Jack:  Don't you believe it, squire. They was just beginnin'. I mean, what was I goin' t' do with a blinkin' great dead giant? You thought the neighbors was askin' questions before? They were nothin' like the questions I'm gettin' now. "Hey Jack, what ya gonna do with that dead giant, eh? He's startin' t' turn!". What am I s'posed t' do? And Zonin', don't let's even start t' talk about them. They won't let me alone. I mean, no amount o' treasure is worth this.

Greg:  Yes, well, I'm sure you'll geet it all sorted out in short order. Thanks for stopping by.

Jack:  Sorted out? If I ever get me hands on the bloke that sold me them beans, I'll sort him out, I can tell you. "All your troubles'll be over" he says. Ha!

Monday Interview Series: Jo March

Today I have a special treat for you. I've been able to get in touch with one of the darlings of children's literature, and she's graciously agreed to spend some time with us. So, without further ado let's take a minute to chat with Little Women's Jo March.

Greg:  Hello Jo. Thanks for agreeing to talk with us.

Jo:  It's my pleasure. I enjoy sitting of an evening and talking with friends and family.

Greg:  Yes, it's something that's not done often enough these days. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your friends and family. How are they doing these days?

Jo:  Oh fine, fine. I must say that the family is growing by leaps and bounds, and everyone is fit and well, thankfully. Marmee and Papa are well and quite contented now that Papa is home and the war is over. 

Greg:  It's good to hear they are well. What news do you have of your sisters? 

Jo:  Oh they are fine. Meg and John are doing well, and the twins, Daisy and Demi, are flourishing. John's work as a tutor keeps him quite busy. At times I fear that Meg is left overlong with the twins on her own. They can be very demanding, and at times things get tedious for her. She bears it well, though. After all, it is what is expected of her.

Greg:  Still, it sounds like she could use a break every now and again. Does anyone ever give her a hand?

Jo:  We all help out from time to time, but I am afraid she is left on her own to cope more often than not.

Greg: And what of your youngest sister, Amy?

Jo:  She is married now, did you not know? You'll never guess who to! Well, our Aunt March took her abroad to paint and attend to her. And who do you suppose she met over there? Why  none other than our own dear, sweet Laurie! He was in Europe studying abroad. It was a happy coincidence that they should meet so far from home.

A few years had passed and they had much changed in each other's eyes. Well, shortly after, after Beth died, Amy came home with Laurie at her side and they were married! Everyone was mush surprised, but we were happy that Amy had married someone of such fine character. Thee fact that he was so well to do was not unappreciated, either.

Greg:  Oh how lovely. That brings me to Beth. I know that it must be hard for you to speak of her, but I was hoping you could share some of your fondest memories of her.

Jo:  It is not hard for me to think of her. In fact, I think of her every day, and always my heart is lightened when I think of her. She was with us for only a relatively short time, but she is at the root of all my fondest memories of home and growing up. In fact at times, the two--home and Beth--are indistinguishable in my memory.

I think my fondest memories are of her playing the piano and acting in our little plays up beneath the eaves in the attic. She loved her cats and her dolls. Sometimes I almost envy Beth, for she will remain young for all time, while we will age and eventually fade away.

Greg:  Hmmm, interesting observation. And how is your life faring, if I may ask?

Jo:  My book is selling above and beyond my expectations. So much so, in fact, that I must admit that my publishers have requested another manuscript, which I am endeavoring to finish as soon as may be.

Of course, I am hard pressed for writing time what with taking care of my nephews Franz and Emil, and our two sons, Rob and Teddy. My husband, Friedrich, is a wonderful teacher. It was he who encouraged me to address serious matters in my writing. I never thought I could ever feel toward someone what I feel for him.

Greg:  That's great. I'm glad that everything is going so well. Thanks for stopping by and giving us an update.

Jo:  Life keeps moving along. Old memories mix with new, weaving a tapestry that we can wrap around us like a warm quilt to see us through  cold, lean times. I have really enjoyed talking with you as well, sir. Good day to you.