Chapter 2
Quirk takes a journey and describes his traveling companions.
Listen, I’ve never been one for travel and this little journey has done nothing to change my mind. If anyone ever offers you the opportunity to travel through the mountains in a cage on four wheels being pulled by a team of old, broken down, farting horses, I suggest that you politely decline, turn, and run the other way as fast as you can. Although if you were surrounded by a large contingent of Cratt soldiers as were are, your chances of running away would be slim to none.
Unfortunately, no one gave me or my companions the opportunity to do so. What? Oh, my companions. I suppose I should tell you something about them, seeing as how I’m locked up with them, and you, by association, are as well.
They’re not much to look at right now. A few I know, the rest appear to be people from other villages in the area. I guess Naguu wasn’t the only village on Cratt’s hit parade. Anyway, we’re crammed in here pretty tight, not much room to breathe let alone move. At the moment, I’m jammed up against some guy in a dirty leather jerkin and some torn breeches. He’s wearing some sort of leather helmet with iron bands and studs. He’s unshaven and his breath stinks, but I guess I should be a little understanding, mine is probably none too fresh, either.
My back is pressed up against the iron bars of the cage we’re sitting in, and there’s a guy standing in front of me with his backside at eye level. Not a pretty sight. Doesn’t smell too good, either. To my right is a lady with long, mussed red hair in a ripped homespun shirt and linen pants. She’s wearing a leather vest and has knee high leather boots and while she’s softer and squishier than the dude on my left, she looks meaner. She’s already told me about ten times to stop touching her. I’ve done my best to explain to her that I’m not trying to touch her, it’s just that I don’t have much choice in the matter at the moment. Secretly, I’m glad I have an excuse.
Now, don’t think ill of me, it’s just there’s not much to do in a cage traveling through the mountains for who knows how long to who knows where. If I can’t keep myself preoccupied, I’ll start to think and worry and realize that I’m jammed in a cage with a bunch of people and not a privy in sight. Oh, damn, now that’s done it. I’m thinking about something else now. Great. Guess I’ll have to start a conversation with someone.
I turn to the girl, but she stares daggers at me and looks like she’s about to tell me to stop touching her again. The guy in front of me is not a candidate for conversation. So, I turn to my left-hand neighbor. He’s sitting there with his helmet scrunched down almost over his eyes, shocks of dirty, sandy blond hair sticking out from under it at odd angles.
“Uh, hey there,” I venture, trying to sound cheerful and friendly. Got to admit that’s hard for me at the best of times.
“Whadda ya want?” he snorts.
“What village you from?” I ask.
To my surprise, he answers. “Snoroth.”
“Ah, I know where that is. You’re about a day’s ride east of us.”
“We was, ain’t nothin’ left now,” he said, sounding a bit forlorn.
“Yeah, not much left of Naguu, either. I guess we’re in the same boat.”
He unwedged his arm and tilted back his helmet. His blue eyes stared at me curiously. “Boat? This is a cage, ain’t it?”
Oh great. Okay, not the brightest star in the sky, but he looked strong. Might as well try to make friends. He could come in handy. “My name’s Quirk, what’s yours?”
“Hugo.”
I try moving my arm to shake hands but realize doing so would risk even more intimate touching of the lady next to me, so I refrain.
“So, what did you do in Snoroth, Hugo?” I ask with as genuine a smile as I can muster under the circumstances.
“I was part of the guard.”
“Oh, too bad, guess you boys weren’t very successful at, er, guarding.”
Hugo frowned as if realizing something. “Nope, s’pose not.” He sighed. “I’m the only one they caught.”
“Did the others get away?” I asked hopefully.
“Nope, all killed.”
“Oh, too bad for them.”
“Only just a little better fer me,” Hugo noted, with what I suspect was a rare amount of insight for him.
“Yeah, well like I said, we’re all stuck in this cage now. I’m thinking maybe we should try to team up and think of a way out.”
Hugo frowned, obviously puzzled at the notion. I guessed that the thought of thinking himself out of any predicament was inconceivable to him.
“Okay, my bad. I guess I should be more clear. I’m suggesting that I think of a way to get us out of here and you provide whatever muscle that may be required to do it.
Hugo’s face brightened, and he smiled. This was something he understood. “Uh, yeah, okay. Sonds like a good idea. You’re smart.”
“We won’t know that for sure until I actually come up with a plan,” I replied.
At this point I guess I should tell you that I’ve had, uh, extensive experience with cages. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in and out of Naguu’s local lockup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a dangerous criminal or anything, but sometimes I can be a little impatient. I mean, why bother planting corn when I can cadge some spare ears off a farmer’s cart on the way to market? And if a shepherd has too many sheep, goats or pigs to keep track of, I do my best to help him out by looking after a stray or two. Now sometimes, the farmers resent my lifestyle philosophy and complain to the local constable.
The result is that I often find myself in the position in which I am now. The only difference this time, and I have to admit it’s a big difference, is that I was reasonably sure that I’d be released in a month or so, and in the meantime I’d have two or three square meals a day and a fairly comfortable cot to sleep on. I had also built up a good rapport with my jailers over the years. All in all, it was a reasonably pleasant experience.
Sorry, shouldn’t go off on tangents like that, it impedes the story. What I’m trying to say is that my current situation isn’t all that new to me—I mean other than the fact I’m traveling through the mountains in the hands of a hostile military force and jammed in with a lot of other poor souls whose homes had been destroyed and loved ones killed. And aside from the life and death aspect of this instance, I have familiarized myself with a variety of locks over the years.
Based on that, I developed a plan to get the heck out of the cage and away from my companions. All except Hugo. Although of apparent limited wit, I figured I could use his brawn.
We bumped and banged through the mountains for the rest of that afternoon before stopping in the evening. Turns out I didn’t need to try my luck with the cage lock, which was just as well, because getting to it would have been a task unto itself. They undid the lock and pulled us out roughly one by one, separating us into groups of three. I suppose they did that so that we could be kept track of more easily.
Anyhow, Hugo was part of my trio, which was lucky. Unfortunately, the cranky wench with the squishy bosom was as well. We were watched over by two guards who chained us together and sat us down on a fallen log. Hugo was on my right and the cranky one was on my left. Hugo sat dejectedly on the log, staring glumly at his boots, but the girl kicked and bit and wriggled as our guards wrestled her down on our log. As she squirmed, she hurled the most vile of epithets at them. All in all, she seemed a wholly unsavory person, but I had to admit she had spunk.
Finally, she seemed played out and gave up the fight. With a final oath she slumped on our log, assuming almost the same pose as my friend Hugo. So there we were like three bumps on a log, staring at the other groups of three prisoners being guarded by two guards each. The rest of the army was busy making camp and building cookfires.
Soon, dinner was served in large earthenware bowls. I dipped a rather dodgy-looking wooden spoon into the contents, a grayish, steaming, lumpy stew. I was a little hesitant about what those lumps were, but beggars can’t be choosers, so I dipped the spoon in, and shoved it in my mouth. I started chewing. Whatever it was, it was pretty gristly, really hard to chew, but I managed to get it down. It was then I realized that I was pretty hungry, and before I knew it, I’d slurped up the whole bowlful.
Our evening repast complete, the three of us were moved from the log to the ground.
“All right you lot,” one of our guards said. “Make yourselves comfortable and get to sleep.”
Make yourselves comfortable? I gave him a piercing look, searching his face to see if some sort of humorous irony lurked there. From what I could tell, he was not trying to be funny. So, we laid ourselves down and tried to get some sleep.
“Now, you jackasses don’t try anything funny, or you’ll get my boot in your asses,” the lady snarled.
“Yeah, yeah, not the first thing on my mind right now, believe it or not,” I hissed back, trying to get comfortable in the dirt.
All three of us settled down to try and get some sleep. At least my companions did, my mind was working too much to doze off, no matter how exhausted I was. See, I was thinking about us all chained together. One of each of our ankles were manacled, and each manacle was held together by a lock. I felt around for the lock on my manacle, trying to keep the chain from jingling. Once I’d located it, I put my right index finger against the keyhole. With a little thought, a blue bolt of lightning split the lock, freeing my leg. That’s always been a little trick of mine. I’m not sure how I got this gift, but it’s helped me out of tricky situations a few times in my life, or lives. Next, I played my trick on Hugo’s lock. It opened easily. I looked around. In the light of the dying fire, I could see our guards sleeping in their bedrolls. They looked nice and cozy.
I shook Hugo. “Okay, dude, we got to get moving.”
“Huh, what?” he snorted.
“Quiet,” I hissed. “We’re free, we’ve got to get our rears in gear.”
“Uh, okay, I’m awake. How’d ya get us loose?”
“Picked our locks, I’ll tell you how once we’re out of here.”
“You lowlifes aren’t going anywhere without me,” a voice hissed.
Oh great, the nasty one woke up.
“We have to go now, there’s no time to set you loose.”
Suddenly, I felt the cold metal of the chain around my neck. “If you don’t set me loose, I’ll choke you!”
As if to emphasize her point, she pulled the chain tighter around my neck.
“Okay, okay, loosen up.” The pull of the chain relaxed, and I reached for her lock and zapped it. A sharp intake of breath was the only indication of her surprise. I had to hand it to her, she was a cool cucumber. No shriek or anything.
Once she was free, we all moved as quickly as we could out of the camp and into the surrounding hills, but not before we’d relieved our guards of their swords and a bow and arrows that were lying by the fire.
“Whadda ya want?” he snorts.
“What village you from?” I ask.
To my surprise, he answers. “Snoroth.”
“Ah, I know where that is. You’re about a day’s ride east of us.”
“We was, ain’t nothin’ left now,” he said, sounding a bit forlorn.
“Yeah, not much left of Naguu, either. I guess we’re in the same boat.”
He unwedged his arm and tilted back his helmet. His blue eyes stared at me curiously. “Boat? This is a cage, ain’t it?”
Oh great. Okay, not the brightest star in the sky, but he looked strong. Might as well try to make friends. He could come in handy. “My name’s Quirk, what’s yours?”
“Hugo.”
I try moving my arm to shake hands but realize doing so would risk even more intimate touching of the lady next to me, so I refrain.
“So, what did you do in Snoroth, Hugo?” I ask with as genuine a smile as I can muster under the circumstances.
“I was part of the guard.”
“Oh, too bad, guess you boys weren’t very successful at, er, guarding.”
Hugo frowned as if realizing something. “Nope, s’pose not.” He sighed. “I’m the only one they caught.”
“Did the others get away?” I asked hopefully.
“Nope, all killed.”
“Oh, too bad for them.”
“Only just a little better fer me,” Hugo noted, with what I suspect was a rare amount of insight for him.
“Yeah, well like I said, we’re all stuck in this cage now. I’m thinking maybe we should try to team up and think of a way out.”
Hugo frowned, obviously puzzled at the notion. I guessed that the thought of thinking himself out of any predicament was inconceivable to him.
“Okay, my bad. I guess I should be more clear. I’m suggesting that I think of a way to get us out of here and you provide whatever muscle that may be required to do it.
Hugo’s face brightened, and he smiled. This was something he understood. “Uh, yeah, okay. Sonds like a good idea. You’re smart.”
“We won’t know that for sure until I actually come up with a plan,” I replied.
At this point I guess I should tell you that I’ve had, uh, extensive experience with cages. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in and out of Naguu’s local lockup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a dangerous criminal or anything, but sometimes I can be a little impatient. I mean, why bother planting corn when I can cadge some spare ears off a farmer’s cart on the way to market? And if a shepherd has too many sheep, goats or pigs to keep track of, I do my best to help him out by looking after a stray or two. Now sometimes, the farmers resent my lifestyle philosophy and complain to the local constable.
The result is that I often find myself in the position in which I am now. The only difference this time, and I have to admit it’s a big difference, is that I was reasonably sure that I’d be released in a month or so, and in the meantime I’d have two or three square meals a day and a fairly comfortable cot to sleep on. I had also built up a good rapport with my jailers over the years. All in all, it was a reasonably pleasant experience.
Sorry, shouldn’t go off on tangents like that, it impedes the story. What I’m trying to say is that my current situation isn’t all that new to me—I mean other than the fact I’m traveling through the mountains in the hands of a hostile military force and jammed in with a lot of other poor souls whose homes had been destroyed and loved ones killed. And aside from the life and death aspect of this instance, I have familiarized myself with a variety of locks over the years.
Based on that, I developed a plan to get the heck out of the cage and away from my companions. All except Hugo. Although of apparent limited wit, I figured I could use his brawn.
We bumped and banged through the mountains for the rest of that afternoon before stopping in the evening. Turns out I didn’t need to try my luck with the cage lock, which was just as well, because getting to it would have been a task unto itself. They undid the lock and pulled us out roughly one by one, separating us into groups of three. I suppose they did that so that we could be kept track of more easily.
Anyhow, Hugo was part of my trio, which was lucky. Unfortunately, the cranky wench with the squishy bosom was as well. We were watched over by two guards who chained us together and sat us down on a fallen log. Hugo was on my right and the cranky one was on my left. Hugo sat dejectedly on the log, staring glumly at his boots, but the girl kicked and bit and wriggled as our guards wrestled her down on our log. As she squirmed, she hurled the most vile of epithets at them. All in all, she seemed a wholly unsavory person, but I had to admit she had spunk.
Finally, she seemed played out and gave up the fight. With a final oath she slumped on our log, assuming almost the same pose as my friend Hugo. So there we were like three bumps on a log, staring at the other groups of three prisoners being guarded by two guards each. The rest of the army was busy making camp and building cookfires.
Soon, dinner was served in large earthenware bowls. I dipped a rather dodgy-looking wooden spoon into the contents, a grayish, steaming, lumpy stew. I was a little hesitant about what those lumps were, but beggars can’t be choosers, so I dipped the spoon in, and shoved it in my mouth. I started chewing. Whatever it was, it was pretty gristly, really hard to chew, but I managed to get it down. It was then I realized that I was pretty hungry, and before I knew it, I’d slurped up the whole bowlful.
Our evening repast complete, the three of us were moved from the log to the ground.
“All right you lot,” one of our guards said. “Make yourselves comfortable and get to sleep.”
Make yourselves comfortable? I gave him a piercing look, searching his face to see if some sort of humorous irony lurked there. From what I could tell, he was not trying to be funny. So, we laid ourselves down and tried to get some sleep.
“Now, you jackasses don’t try anything funny, or you’ll get my boot in your asses,” the lady snarled.
“Yeah, yeah, not the first thing on my mind right now, believe it or not,” I hissed back, trying to get comfortable in the dirt.
All three of us settled down to try and get some sleep. At least my companions did, my mind was working too much to doze off, no matter how exhausted I was. See, I was thinking about us all chained together. One of each of our ankles were manacled, and each manacle was held together by a lock. I felt around for the lock on my manacle, trying to keep the chain from jingling. Once I’d located it, I put my right index finger against the keyhole. With a little thought, a blue bolt of lightning split the lock, freeing my leg. That’s always been a little trick of mine. I’m not sure how I got this gift, but it’s helped me out of tricky situations a few times in my life, or lives. Next, I played my trick on Hugo’s lock. It opened easily. I looked around. In the light of the dying fire, I could see our guards sleeping in their bedrolls. They looked nice and cozy.
I shook Hugo. “Okay, dude, we got to get moving.”
“Huh, what?” he snorted.
“Quiet,” I hissed. “We’re free, we’ve got to get our rears in gear.”
“Uh, okay, I’m awake. How’d ya get us loose?”
“Picked our locks, I’ll tell you how once we’re out of here.”
“You lowlifes aren’t going anywhere without me,” a voice hissed.
Oh great, the nasty one woke up.
“We have to go now, there’s no time to set you loose.”
Suddenly, I felt the cold metal of the chain around my neck. “If you don’t set me loose, I’ll choke you!”
As if to emphasize her point, she pulled the chain tighter around my neck.
“Okay, okay, loosen up.” The pull of the chain relaxed, and I reached for her lock and zapped it. A sharp intake of breath was the only indication of her surprise. I had to hand it to her, she was a cool cucumber. No shriek or anything.
Once she was free, we all moved as quickly as we could out of the camp and into the surrounding hills, but not before we’d relieved our guards of their swords and a bow and arrows that were lying by the fire.
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