Character Interview: Captain Burt Sharky

 

Our Deliverers Character Interview Series continues with an interview with Captain Burt Sharky, the meanest, toughest, nastiest pirate to sail the high seas. This should be interesting. I hope he doesn't pillage and burn the place!

Greg:  Well, thank you for taking the time to sit down and chat with us, Captain Sharky.

Sharky:  Argh! Aint no trouble at all matey. Every once in a while it’s good t’ get outta the water inta drydock an’ scrape the barnacles off m’ keel.

Greg:  I can see how that would be necessary from time to time. Tell us a little bit about yourself, if you don’t mind.

Sharky:  Well, I been at sea most o' m’ life.

Greg:  Oh, that’s marvelous. Did you start as a cabin boy?

Sharky:  No, nothin’ like that. See, m’ old man were a pirate. When he spotted a ship he wanted to pillage, he and the rest o’ the crew’d get belowdecks and leave me on deck by m’self. I were only about 7 or 8, and I’d set to hollerin’ and whinin’ and carryin’ on. The target ship’d always come see what the fuss were about. They’d see me alone on deck, and I’d shout that everyone were washed overboard in a storm. They’d come over to rescue me, and m’ dad’s crew would overpower ‘em and board their ship. We took a lot of fat prizes that way.

Greg:  Oh, how, umm, cute.

Sharky:  Them were the days. ‘Bout the only happy times I can remember, ‘cept o’ course when I found m’ ring. Things started lookin’ up after that.

Greg: Your ring?

Sharky:  Aye. I took it from a lubber one time when I was ashore. I’d lost m’ ship and I wanted the ring to finance a new one. I ran the dog through, an’ took the ring, but I couldn’t bring m’ self to sell it. Instead, I kept it and stole a merchant vessel.

I recruited a new crew, found a good island hideout, and set about plunderin’ vessels. I grew to be successful an’ set up a piratin’ empire. I was known throughout the world as the meanest, dirtiest, most rotten scoundrel to sail the high seas.

Greg:  So I understand. What happened with Cal Endria and his group?

Sharky:  Endria and his lilly livered dogs were nothin’ but cowardly sheep. They lost their stomach for fighten’ an’ wanted to settle down. I should of keel hauled the lot of ‘em. Instead, though, I decided that they could be useful in their own way.

I set up the Tariff where they had to give me half of everything they produced for a hunnert years. Then after the hunnert years had gone by, I double crossed ‘em. I came sailin’ in with a new weapon and kept chargin’ the Tariff twice a year for another two hunnert, until that kid an’ his bird came.

Greg:  Hold on. Just how long have you been alive?

Sharky:  I were born over 350 years ago. It were the ring, ya see.  It give me long life and’great power. No one ever thought to double cross ol’ Sharky, because I beat Death hisself. Then along came that Eric brat an’ his bird. Arghhh, I can’t talk ‘bout it no more! Read the cursed book.

Greg:  What do you like to do in your spare time?

Sharky:  Oh, I don’t know. Terrorizin’ children an’ small animals, bullyin’, belittlin’, swearin’, carryin’ on, hangin’ swabs from the yardarm, the usual things, I s’pose.

Greg:  Have you ever come across Captain Jack Sparrow?

Sharky:  Arghhhhh! Don’t mention that name! The slippery eel still owes me his ship, the Black Pearl. I won it fair an’ square in a poker game, but he give me the slip when I were tryin’ to take possession. If he ever comes across me bow again, he’ll get a long, painful death, or my name ain't Captain Burt Sharky.

Greg:  How has the release of the book impacted your life?

Sharky:  Are ya daft?! How has it affected m’ life? It’s ruined it ya lubber, that’s what it’s done! I can’t show m’self at any pirate meets. I get so mad, I could run someone through!

Greg:  Well, on that note, I think it’s time to wrap this up. Thank you so much for taking some time to talk with us.

Sharky:  How do I get out of this pigsty? I’ve got to get back to m' ship. I’m thinkin’ of startin’ a ghost pirate crew. Mortals can’t stand ghosts!

Character Interview: Hallo Tosis

Our Deliverers chearacter interview series continues with the last of the Deliverers, Hallo Tosis the dwarf. Let's get right to it.

Greg:  Welcome, Hallo, to The Deliverers Publishing Headquarters. It’s great to have you here.

Hallo: Thank’ee, thank’ee it’s great t’ be here, too. But, from what the others said, I thought it’d be more fancy-like, don’t ya know.

Greg: Umm, how do you mean?

Hallo:  Oh, well, er, they said this were a magnificent showpiece an’ all. But t’ tell ya the truth, an’ I really don’t know how t’ tell ya this an’ all, but this here’s a real dump, don’t ya know. ‘T ain’t so much to it. They said the corridors went on f’ever an’ that there was fancy furniture an’ paintin’s an’ such, but I ain’t seen none o’ them things.

Greg: Hallo, it’s a joke.

Hallo: A which?

Greg:  A joke. A running gag. We’ve been doing it throughout the interview series. Didn’t the others tell you?

Hallo:  Wha’? Oh, er, um, sorry ‘bout that. Come t’ think on it, now that ya mention it, they did say somethin’ ‘bout gaggin’. It come t’ mind ‘cause I felt like gaggin’ when I come in, don’t ya know. Sorry I spoilt the joke, sonny.

Greg:  Oh, don’t worry about it, Hallo. Let’s just get on with the interview, shall we?

Hallo:  You go it, mister. Let’s get this show on the road, don’t ya know.

Greg:  Alrighty, then. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself, Hallo?

Hallo:  Well, let’s see. You’re prob’ly wonderin’ ‘bout m’ name. Hallo Tosis ain’t such a hot name. It were given t’ me by m’ pappy, Jeremiah Tosis. He has a cuttin’ sense o’ humor, an’ he thought it funny t’ give me such a stinky name.

I was borned in the Dwarf Kingdom. I come from a long line of smithys. Some o’ m’ ancestors was silversmithys, some were goldsmithys. Some were sculptors, artisans, an’ some was tunnelers, don’t ya know. M’ pappy is the Royal Goldsmithy, the official goldsmithy t’ the king, a right important position.

On the other hand, I don’t have none o’ them skills. I’m the only one o’ m’ folk without the Gift, as we call it. M’ pappy were right fed up w’ me. In fact, he had me banished. So, I took t’ wanderin’ in the mountains, not bein’ able t’ go home an’ afraid t’ be found out by the Big Folk.

Then, I met Eric, Stig ‘n’ Kate, an’ m’ life took a turn for the better, don’t ya know.

Greg:  What’s the Dwarf Kingdom like?

Hallo:  It’s a place o’ unsurpassed beauty, don’t ya know. It’s located under the Iron Mountains, not too far from Calendria. There are many villages in the Kingdom, an’ everyone lives in comfort, like. I sure missed livin’ there.

The art were stupendous. There are carvin’s and reliefs cut inta the walls. Gold an’ jewel inlaid statues line the streets. The villages bustle with activity in the marketplaces an’ forges. I’m proud that I’m from the Kingdom.

Greg:  What are your thoughts about the rest of the Deliverers?

Hallo:  I can’t say enough about ‘em. Without them, I don’t rightly know where I’d be. Eric’s been through a lot, an’ he’s a good lad. He had a big load on his shoulders, an’ I’m glad I could help him out a little, don’t ya know.

Now Stig, he’s a crusty ol’ birdie, but he means well. I just wish he’d loosen up a wee bit, don’t ya know. He’s the one what’s done this all before, so he helped keep us all focused on the task at hand.

Kate, she’s a grand lass.  I’m glad t’ have her an’ her folk for neighbors. Her pappy, the Lord Mayor is all right, too. Kate helped keep us all together, kept us from gettin’ on each other’s nerves.

I think we all work well t’gether, don’t ya know, an’ I’m hopin’ we’ll get t’ work t’gether in the future.

Greg:  What do you like to do in your spare time?

Hallo:  Well, I have a new job now, an’ that keeps me pretty busy, don’t ya know. When I’m off duty, I still try m’ hand at metal workin’. I still ain’t improved none. I also like t’ go down t’ Calendria t’ see Kate an’ her pappy. I also chew the fat with Cordon, the village  blacksmithy, talkin’ shop. Me an’ the apothecary, Mrs. Bubblebeak, I mean Madame Bottleneck, have also become thick as thieves. I go over for a chat now an’ again.

Part o’ me, though, is waitin’ t’ go on another Assignment. I think one day, I’ll be called t’ go on one. I’m interested t’ meet the Gatekeeper. When that happens, I’ll be ready t’ go on another great adventure.

Greg:  Why do you think that dwarves love treasure so much?

Hallo:  Well now, it’s so beautiful. It’s the greatest feeling t’ take gold an’ jewels an’ make them inta somethin’ even more breathtakin’ than what ya started with. Treasurer’s why we dig. It’s our whole purpose—t’ find it an’ mold it.

Greg:  Speaking of treasure, what can you tell us about the Jewel?

Hallo: Beggin’ your pardon, there ain’t much I can say ‘bout it. It’s our oldest legend an’ our deepest secret. Suffice it t’ say that the Jewel o’ Paradise is a jewel beyond price, an’ it lies on the other side o’ the Iron Mountains. But it’s guarded by fierce beasts. None what’s gone after the Jewel has ever got back alive. You kin learn all ya need t’ know  ‘bout it in the book, don’t ya know.

Greg:  How has the release of this book changed your life?

Hallo:  Well, it’s exposed a lot o’ the secrets o’ the Kingdom. That’s been right strange ‘cause we’re private folk who don’t take t’ makin’ our comin’s an’ goin’s public. I almost got in trouble with the king all over agin over the whole mess. But, since it worked out okay for everyone in the end, the king figured there weren’t no harm in it. So, now I’m a lot famouser, an’ folk’re recognizin’ me more. Usually when they do, they got good things t’ say about the job I done. So it’s been right gratifyin’, don’t ya know.

Greg:  Well thank you, Hallo for taking a few minutes to speak with us. Will you have any trouble finding your way out?

Hallo:  Are ya daft? The door’s right over there. It ain’t like this place is a palace or anythin’. Oh, er. Uh, yeah, right. I mean, I think I’ll be all right. Us dwarves have a great sense o’ direction. It’ll take a lot more than a few windin’ twistin’ passages for me t’ get lost, although I might have trouble crossin’ the moat, don’t ya know.

Hey, how’s that?

Greg:  Oh, that’s just great. Thanks a lot, Hallo.

Hallo:  How’d ya like the part about the moat? I thought that one up all on m’own. Right good touch if I do say so m’self!